Kids These Days: Some Nights, Reviewed

by Chris Marshall:

Greetings, dear readers. I know it’s been ages since I posted anything. I’ve got an excuse, sort of, in that I stopped posting regularly right around the time I took on a new position at my job that required me to write 17 articles every week, and after all that, I never really felt like writing anything else.

But the itch has struck me again. Those work articles are often interesting, but they are formulaic, and I never get to write freely. So here I am again with the first (and hopefully not last) entry in a new blog series idea I came up with, which I’m calling Kids These Days.

It all started about a week ago, when I was reading Entertainment Weekly’s preview of the Grammys, which will have aired earlier tonight, by the time this post goes up. I was looking through the nominees, and I realized that, not only had I never listened to any of them, I’d never even heard of quite a few of them.

So I Broke My Kneecap, Pt. II

by Mike Hanus:

I should note that I’ve been hesitant to write part II-it’s a lot less funny, and a lot more drugs and sleep and vomiting.

Anyway, after a good bit of time waiting in the ER I was finally transferred to my room. At this point it was about 9:30pm and I hadn’t eaten since 10am. I had only until midnight to eat, because of whatever complications that come from eating too close to anesthesia. Amanda, my nurse, was a rockstar. We went over the basic stuff, and she answered all my questions, including whether I could wear contacts during surgery (no) and how to use the restroom-which involved a convenient little bottle that you clipped to the side of the bed. “Just sort of tilt over and use it, or however guys go.” It attached to the trademarked “Uri-Clip” that hung on the side of the bed. This was all very exciting. I am also buying one for my home.

The bed itself I was laying in was pretty crazy. It could do all the leg and back raises I ever needed, and came with a nice remote that turned on the TV and called the nurse. Moving a piece of the bed up or down activated the jet engine under the bed, which would rattle the windows, raise me half an inch, and then stay on for 10 extra minutes and sometimes randomly lift and lower my lower back.

So, I Broke My Kneecap Pt. I

by Mike Hanus:

"A patella looks like a cookie. Yours is cracked in two." - Dr. Quackenbush.

On Monday, February 4th, around 6pm, I broke my kneecap. I decided to write this to record this major life event, organize my thoughts, and be able to say "you mean you haven't read my blog?!" when people see me walking around on crutches. It contains some gross details, lots of drug references, and a lot of exaggeration concerning my toughness. Let's begin.

On Monday I went to the gym with my grad school buddy Carlos to play basketball. In the locker room, as we were changing, I ran into a current student I had. It's always terrible to run into students at the gym, because any chance of authority I may have built up is instantly ruined as they see me flailing around on the court, my entire shirt covered in sweat about 20 minutes in, and in this case, my pale and soft stomach (which, of course, I sucked in).