I should note that I’ve been hesitant to write part II-it’s a lot less funny, and a lot more drugs and sleep and vomiting.
Anyway, after a good bit of time waiting in the ER I
was finally transferred to my room. At this point it was about 9:30pm and I
hadn’t eaten since 10am. I had only until midnight to eat, because of whatever
complications that come from eating too close to anesthesia. Amanda, my nurse,
was a rockstar. We went over the basic stuff, and she answered all my questions,
including whether I could wear contacts during surgery (no) and how to use the
restroom-which involved a convenient little bottle that you clipped to the side
of the bed. “Just sort of tilt over and use it, or however guys go.” It
attached to the trademarked “Uri-Clip” that hung on the side of the bed. This
was all very exciting. I am also buying one for my home.
The bed itself I was laying in was pretty crazy. It
could do all the leg and back raises I ever needed, and came with a nice remote
that turned on the TV and called the nurse. Moving a piece of the bed up or
down activated the jet engine under the bed, which would rattle the windows,
raise me half an inch, and then stay on for 10 extra minutes and sometimes
randomly lift and lower my lower back.
