Hey! There's Good Soccer on Right Now!

I know you and I have our differences. I know you, like many (unfortunate) Americans, don’t like and don’t watch soccer. Ok. That’s fine. But you watch the U.S. in the World Cup right? That’s the one time you might okay maybe just give soccer a chance? At least it’s patriotic?

So, there’s a tournament going on right now. The European Cup. And while it doesn’t have the United States in it (who is busy drawing or getting beaten by soccer powerhouses like Guatemala and Canada), there is some really great soccer going on. Trust me.

The Euro is basically the second biggest soccer tournament in the world, behind the World Cup. It also happens every four years, staggered by 2 years from the WC, so we always get a sweet summer soccer tournament every two years. And the Euro is almost as awesome as the World Cup, because for the most part, European teams are the best teams in the world (unless you’re Uruguay, Brazil or Argentina). So you’re getting, basically, another World Cup! Isn’t that great?

I can’t stress enough that you should probably try to pick a team and get into it. All the matches are televised on ESPN and online, so you never have to miss a second of the wild-scoring soccer action. But in case you wanted a little backstory, here are some facts about teams that might help you decide who to root for.

The Netherlands: They wear bright obnoxious orange! And they’re actually really, really good. Their main attacking guy, Robin Van Persie, scored the most goals in the Premier League this year (that's really good!). He’s been on fire. They also have Arjen Robben AND Wesley Sneijder to help attack – these are both world class, top 30 players. The Netherlands are fun to watch because they still have an underdog vibe (to me) even though they are stacked with talent. Look for them to be really, really good on quick counterattacks, and look for them to score lots of goals (they scored more in Euro qualifying than any other team).

Germany: The German soccer team lives up to all the German stereotypes: they are cool and calculated and precise and ridiculously efficient. It’s really awesome to watch them sprint down the field and pass back and forth. These guys are really, really good. Mario Gomez (bad German name) is a fantastic attacker, and he’s backed up by other quality midfielders like Bastian Schweinsteiger and Mesut Ozil (GREAT German names). These are guys that are pretty young, and they’re really good. They could easily win it all.

Spain: The favorite. Spain is ridiculous. Where Germany and the Netherlands like to counterattack and make long sprinting runs down the field, the Spaniards like to keep the ball and pass you to death. They will make tiny passes back and forth, over and over while never letting you touch the ball. Then, suddenly, they are in front of your goal and are shooting. This team won the World Cup two years ago, and is definitely the best team in the world right now, talent-wise. Xavi, Iniesta, Fabregas, and David Silva are some of the sickest midfielders in the world. Putting them together is crazy. But they have a problem - no one to actually kick the ball in the goal. Their strikers are terrible right now, and the coach's solution is to only play midfielders (it kinda worked).

Italy: The Italians are always fun to watch. They definitely get super angry and super emotional. They actually have a strong team too: great on defence, and Pirlo in the middle to make some ridiculously pinpoint and accurate passes to his strikers. They’re definitely a team to keep an eye on.

England: The English are not happy with their international team. It’s not that good, their best player is injured (for now), and they have some guys that are way too old, some guys that are way too young, and a coach who is timid. The English think they can win every time, and they always fall apart.

It's hard having everything.

Cristiano Ronaldo: He plays for Portugal (my favorite team) and is the second best player in the world, and the best player in this tournament. I love him because he is so despised. He preens, he flops, he argues and whines, and he’s really, really, really good. When asked why everyone hated so much, he answered that it was probably because he was so handsome, rich, and talented. Hard to argue, CR. As well as he did this year for his club team, he is known for not doing that great when he plays for the international team. Watch defenders lose it when he comes at them, and look for his trademark free kick stance: two legs spread, staring the ball down.

International Teams: You got to love international games. For the United States and other countries that have soccer leagues that recruit mostly from their own countries, the international team represents the best we have to offer. But for leagues that recruit internationally, a lot of times the international team is not as good as some of the individual teams in that country. Spain is really, really ridiculously good, but I’d argue that Barcelona is probably better. England is not good at all; a bunch of teams that play in England could beat the assembled English roster. Same with Italy.

So I like these international squareoffs because though the teams aren’t quite as good as they could be, it means way much more to everybody. The players and the fans really get into this. There has already been like 3 riots at the Euro already. When players score, they kiss the flag on their jerseys. It’s a different kind of competition, and I really love watching it. You should too!

It’s in Poland/Ukraine: Go cheer for these home teams!

The commentators: Mostly they're really good! But they also have Michael Ballack (the old German captain) in the studio, and he is just so bad. I feel bad for the guy - English isn't even his first language, and he's supposed to talk off the cuff very quickly and intelligently about a lot of things. Look for him to trail off in the middle of his sentences and nod and say "interesting" and then look at everyone else. Look for Alexi Lalas to try to help him but also be really annoyed.

You can prove Mike wrong: My money is on Germany to win the whole thing. Spain may be the favorites, but they don’t have a true striker to make the final shot after their midfield has passed everyone to death.