Manly Things at BWWs: "Jailtime" Mayweather vs. "YOLO" Cotto

Turtleneck!

Everything I know about boxing can be summed up with Rocky movies and Ali documentaries. I wasn’t sure what to expect walking into BWWs to watch the SUPERWELTERWEIGHT WORLD SUPREME TITLE CHAMPIONSHIP, but I had heard of Mayweather and that ought to count for something. The place was pretty packed, so this looked like a Big Deal.

I’m still undecided on how I feel about boxing. It’s this really weird combination of violent bloodsport, a gentleman’s duel, an athletic event and a beauty pageant. It’s even crazier when you realize Mayweather walks home with a cool $32 million, regardless of whether he wins or loses. UFC seems to have more clearly drawn lines, with less history and pageantry and more blood –but also less blows to the head-- and I wonder if boxing can keep up with UFC anymore.

There were three “undercard” fights, which were notable only for how few people seemed to care. Most of these consisted of a really young up-and-comer boxer against a really old, near the end of his career boxer. I imagine all the old guys calling the new ones “young pup” in the locker room. These fights seemed even more brutal than the main one, whether it was because they were less trained or because you watch someone going to the hall of fame getting whupped on by a 20 year old.

Floyd “Money” Mayweather is known (by me) for being the Other Guy that’s supposed to match up with Manny Pacquiao, who is the best boxer in the world right now. Something something everyone wants them to fight, they don’t, ok. Dressed in some ridiculous white/red leather jacket with spikes on the shoulders, Mayweather is a real class act who is currently heading to jail for beating up his wife/girlfriend for the third time. Why he gets to fight, then go to jail is still lost on me, but this makes it pretty easy to pick Cotto to root for.

Miguel “El Angel” Cotto is someone I don’t really know anything about. His pregame warmups were notable for watching him kiss his son (like 10 or 12 years old) on the lips like 17 times. I’m told this was a cultural thing, but Ew. After the fight Cotto’s mother kissed him on the lips like 17 times so maybe there’s something to this, but still Ew. I liked Cotto because he was really, really expected to lose this fight and he came out shit talking with the best of them. He also had these awesome knee-high pink socks on during the fight and he looked like a sort of boxing matador.

In a huge surprise, Mayweather walked to the ring flanked by 50 cent and JUSTIN BIEBER! The Biebs looked like a 1960s hardass greaser, holding up Mayweather’s title belts (struggling) and trying to look tough with His Friend the Boxer. I’ve always thought the Bieber act was a bit of a show, and he’s a pretty tough guy underneath it all and this confirmed everything. I would pay a ridiculous amount of money to watch the after fight party, with him, Little Wayne, Mayweather and 50 throwing back Patron. How did this friendship happen? Who called who first?

The fight turned out to be a good one. For someone expected to get rocked pretty hard (and the announcers were sure acting like he would), Cotto worked hard to back Mayweather down into the corner and try and make a few good combinations. I can see why Mayweather is thought to be so good; even when he’s backed down, his defense is ridiculous. Cotto would throw all kinds of punches that I thought landed, and then the replays would show Mayweather dodging and blocking all of them. Mayweather won the fight by decision, though he did step on the pedal at the end and almost get a knockout, and The Biebs was really happy.

The crowd at BWWs was a pretty good one, there was this giant guy at the table next to us with this crazy booming voice that would echo around the bar. He was a Mayweather fan: “HE’S GOT HIM NOW! QUIT DANCIN, COTTO, QUIT DANCIN!” – definitely the highlight of the night. The fight ended, and Cotto is free to go back and get ready for the next, and Mayweather gets to collect his check and then head off to jail.