Mike Reviews Phoenix

Here's a joke about Phoenix having not yet risen from the ashes, or something. Ha.

Welcome to Phoenix, one of the fastest growing cities in the United States! In case you didn’t know, Phoenix is home to such things as an enourmous (and british spellings) Sheraton hotel, a museum of musical instruments (where all but 30 countries have instruments represented!), and a crazy-cool wire suspension thing that lights up at night that's right next to train station and is definitely not the best place to go to at night or alone at any point.

I was really ready to go to Phoenix. I thought this would be some crazy bustling city (it has like 5 million people that live here) and the downtown would be bumping. I was completely wrong. This was basically a ghost town, and I was right in the middle of downtown. There was no one around. I’ve never felt more safe walking around in a city down dark alleys at night. It was just empty. It was like they could shoot apocalypse movies here without having to clear anyone out.

Oh, and it’s really hot here. But it’s not that hot, but most people will tell you otherwise. I kind of liked it, because it was hot but it wasn’t humid. You’ll walk around and think, ‘oh it’s warm’ and then you realize all of your body moisture has evaporated and you need to drink about 37 gallons of water. But seriously, there is nothing here, and nothing to do here. Cleveland had a better bar scene/nightlife. Every place we visited closed before 11 (what?!). I could not have been more disappointed. Also, I paid 7.50 for a beer. 7.50! for a beer. Are you kidding me? There are six-packs that cost less! There are life saving medicines that cost less!

If Comic Con wasn't in town, I don't know what there would have been to do. The highlight of the trip to Phoenix was taking a train to nearby Tempe, where it was everything we hoped for. Tons of bars and restaurants and people and nice things. That's right, Phoenix, population 4.263 million people, was topped in 3 minutes by Tempe, population 160,000. And school wasn't even in session!

Boo, Phoenix!